Almost two years ago, I faced one of the hardest decisions of my life. I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. With the strength of saying yes to life, trusting the Lord, and having my support squad, I decided to make an open adoption plan. Today is the day we celebrate mothers who have chosen that decision and give a part of their heart to another mom and dad in waiting. Through my time to reflect on my journey, I would like to share what I have learned from my experience. During my pregnancy, my cousin explained the grief I was going through in the best way possible. She explained that you have a box; in that box you have a ball. The ball is our grief and the box is the walls of our heart. At first the ball of grief starts big, but as time goes on, it gets smaller. Although our ball is small, there are times when that ball rolls and touches a part of that wall in our hearts. Some people may state there is no reason to grieve, that this is the choice you decided; but that is far from the truth. Our grief is our own and can always be present. We should never ignore it but rather, embrace it. Allow the tears to flow even when they may not come at the most convenient times.
I have learned the following beautiful things on this journey:
· It is okay to have great and bad days.
· My experience is not some fate, but an opportunity to grow not only for myself but also to relate to others in their struggles.
· That I have a little 1-year old girl to thank, for helping me to learn to love myself and gain the confidence that 13-year-old girl always yearned.
· Never to be ashamed of the person that I have become.
· That my wounds are my testimony, which has given me the strength to go back to school to become a nurse and to embrace who I am.
· My faith is what kept me going.
· To continue to remind myself not to be afraid as the Lord’s strength would not let me fall.
· Thanks to my mom’s wisdom, I know that through the pain and suffering, I honestly didn’t lose anyone but gained three new members to our family.
· That mine and my baby’s story never ended when we departed the hospital, our journey continues as I get to watch her grow and set the world on fire.
To end this, I would like to put out a reminder…
Ladies, may you never forget that your hurdles in life are the reason you are the individuals you are today. Your strength is much greater than you think. Always have a playlist that you can dance to when no one else is watching. Be generous with yourself (have a balance), to love yourself, and to allow others to love you. Each one of us is called to motherhood in our own unique way and path.